The Story of Henry the Snail

For many years past I had yearned for a pethorse
I’d got to my teens and no sign of one yet

My mum said a dog would just mess up the house
And she’d scream if encount’ring a rat or a mouse

A horse for the garden? Too large and too smelly
(Which ruined my hopes of a jumbo called Nellie)

All cats made her sneeze, while a snake was just creepy
A tortoise spent half of the year very sleepy

Gerbils and hamsters were magnets for fleas
And tarantula spiders had too many knees

snailThe bath was too small for a medium sized whale
But then mother said that I might get a snail

‘A snail, Mum!’ I cried, like I’d lost in some tournament
‘I want a nice cuddly pet, not an ornament!’

‘Oh come on,’ said mum, ‘there’s some games you can play
‘And they’re cheap and quite clean, and they don’t run away

‘They leave a nice trail so you always can trace ’em
‘And friends could bring theirs; you could snooze while you race ’em’

‘Well I don’t want a small one,’ I said, still defiant
‘I’ll only say yes to an African Giant!’

So that was decided when Mum acquiesced
Then we had to determine what vendor was best

Tesco’s were useless, no Giants were on sale
So I bought it online to be sent through the mail

I waited for ages, then just as I’d planned
The postman arrived with a package in hand

mailboxHe looked at the slot, then a deep breath he drew
And using both hands tried to squeeze the box through!

He pushed at it hard, topped it off with a punch
And ‘That’s bad,’ I thought, when I heard a loud crunch!

We soon saw what fate had befallen my pet
And I’d not even named, far less cuddled him yet

Well, we tried various costly proprietary lotions
We tried super glue and some internet potions

We appealed to vets and to deities as well
But nothing we tried could refashion that shell

He looked like a nought on the ‘viable’ scale
But by now I loved my poor African snail

So what if his back was all wrinkly and bare
I knew he could thrive under my tender care

I fed him zucchini to keep him well nourished
And Henry, my friendly companion, flourished

Even now as I write, I am giving a hug
To my lovable pet, the giant African slug!

No Comments Permalink

Say something

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked with a grey bar.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>